Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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