look no pants
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
