Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
