I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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