My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
