Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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