pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I can't put those talents on a resume
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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