True but thats because hes a fetus.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
