They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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