i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
