it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
