i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
