this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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