your parents love me but you hate me
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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