These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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