I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
