i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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