Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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