Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
