seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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