Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
