Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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