Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
