if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
