i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
