when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
