Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
