I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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