You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
