is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
not ubering you a puppy
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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