So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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