My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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