im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
