ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
