My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
