Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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