hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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