Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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