drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
