well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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