$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
