Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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