Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
