he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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