I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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