When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
