im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
