I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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