No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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