oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
