We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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