Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
