You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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