So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
