I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
