My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
