Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
