this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
