You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
