Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
