Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Randomize
