I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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