You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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