Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
