I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
