If i come over, it means nothing
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize