ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
