my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
