So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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