i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
