My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
